unicidades

Tive que tomar a decisao mais importante da minha vida.

Re-learning I spread my wings again      fragile      wings Non-suspected      wings     bloody    wet wings as I remember our sunrises at the beach. Did you notice how I used to fly in your arms But then one day you cut my wings joy I tucked my wings in (the leftovers, the small pieces of wings that you couldn't cut) my soul or was it that my soul was tucked in my wings? as a shell hiding a grain of sand inside its flesh it hurt it hurt it hurt not so much that I was not flying it hurt not to show you my joy and the soul resting in flesh was bleeding it was bleeding it was bleeding. You were busy and harsh        You know no pain as such             no blood my wings are growing back           ...

I met last night a person who has the blessing of curing people. I can say that with my first visit, which lasted for about 20 minutes, I feel like a brand new person. My back doesn't hurt and my spine doesn't even look like it looked before. I feel like it's straight. I've had scoliosis all my life and people always said there's no cure for it. I guess this man has a special talent. When I got there I felt so peaceful that I wanted to cry. All the statues in the garden made me think about my mom and my recent emotional state, given that I recently broke up with Mr. Molotof. When he started working on my back, I screamed and the noise was so loud that I was a little scared and Mr. Angel said: I got that, I got that, did you hear that. Go for a walk. Come back. It was like he was breaking all my bones. I guess all of that tension is gone now. Even breathing feels good! Not only am I pain free, I feel happy with a lot of energy running through my body. I feel energi...

For the record: just feeling miserable and sick.

I have always wondered why you asked me if I were going to date "that guy". Was it because you saw the red flags or was it that you were jealous? I think you know me very well from my writings and believe it or not you never tried to mess up with my head telling me lies. Especially, when I confronted you about certain things. I wish that more people had the balls to do that. At least, they would be honest and respect the feelings and validate the other person's impressions.

With how many red flags do we build a broken heart?

I think I might have the right tango song for my first performance and because life always surprises you, it's a song my mom used to love and sing. It was a coincidence, I didn't think of that when I picked the song as a strong candidate. It happened that way and to think of it makes me happy. I wish she were there to watch me dancing.

The best times I've had in my life happened when there wasn't much planning done in advance. The days that I was just spontaneous and did something nice and cool.

It sounds like I am going crazy. I've had sweet plantain chips, half of a tequeno, one small piece of Almondjoy, ok, two pieces (so far) and I feel kind of hungry and I still haven't had lunch. This was like a midday snack of some sort. I don't even, usually, have any snacks. Sigh. I could use a nap right now. Oh, that would be just wonderful. Come to think of it, I better go brush my teeth before I fall asleep on my desk. I have to remember to take a detour since there's this guy who monitors my walks to the restroom or when I get to the library. He's so annoying. The other day he made a joke about how hard we work. I just smiled my fake smile and left. I dislike nosy people very much.

I've been there, done that. I'd add to the list the following types: Separated men who find countless excuses not to get a divorce; Men who don't introduce you to his family; The ones who flirt with other women in front of you; The losers who stare at any other attractive women in front of you, while you watch him drooling over her/them; Men who cannot turn off their cellphones; The one who doesn't have money at all and even borrows money from you, needless to say that he doesn't pay you back or takes forever to do so; The asshole who wants you to quit your job and move in with him because he thinks you're for sale; The cheap ones; The liars who call you crazy or insecure; The ones who have been married to or like women that look like they've been created in a botox factory and everything in them is fake, but now he decides to go out with you who has no interest in plastic surgery, botox, or permanently straightening your hair or getting a boob ...

A mulher sozinha sonha com um grande amor. Para transformar a republica da estatica em republica do amor. A mulher sozinha se distrai com um amor qualquer. A republica da estatica mulher sozinha se solidifica quanto mais o tempo segue. Sao tantos tempos orquestrando o caminhar da mulher sozinha. Ha o tempo de desejos, de reprimendas, de culpas. De sonhos. Tempo de reflexao e decisoes. Tempo de estatica. E adormecimento. De fazer o maximo ou esperar pelo minimo. Ou esperar o maximo e receber o minimo. A mulher sozinha mora numa torre e congela o coracao. A mulher estatica sonha com a republica da verdade. Ela espera que a verdade seja bonita e plena. A mulher sozinha se toca e chora. Ardem-lhe as faltas.

Aren't you tired of waiting as well? Aren't you tired of waiting for that special day, person, job?  On the other hand, aren't you tired of wanting so much? Of always being "on call"? How much can you actually go get? How much depends on us and how much depends on other people? How reactionary are you? How reactionary do you have to be? (Maybe) you don't even have to be a reactionary and that's too much danger for you to face.What in life is not dangerous, though? What in life is not a risk?

Trusting.

That's apparently how I come across.

When I feel really down, I read these very short poems and then somehow the wind blows some peace and contentment. Peace because it's like a voice telling me something sweet and soothing. Contentment because it makes me forget how cruel and ugly the world can be. Somehow, somewhere there's someone loving someone else, being kind, taking care of someone else. Somewhere there's someone smiling and being careless and happy. Somewhere there's someone writing poetry and sipping from a glass of wine or tea. Somewhere flowers are blooming and the **** shines queen of Earth. Silver, bright and majestic. Somewhere at night, candles are all they have and it's all they need. Oh butterfly What are you dreaming of When you move your wings? Chiyo-Ni

When I dance no one let's me down, no one insults me, it's silent, it's peaceful, there's beauty. I am not cold or hot. When I dance a tango, I forget how much I've suffered, and all the transformations I went through to become who I am today. When I dance a tango, no one screams at me. No one hurts my feelings, no one humiliates me. When I dance a tango, I don't see any unpleasant images. When I dance, it's like diving in the song I am listening.

What is it like being a total stranger? How can you have so much anger inside of you and yet at the same time so much love to give? Why do people contradict themselves all the time? What makes you think that I am your enemy?