unicidades

Once a liar, always a liar?

Can I live in silence?

I miss wintertime. I remember us walking down the street at night, leaving the milonga and going somewhere for coffee. I remember your brown eyes staring at me with such amazement. My words put a spell on you. We talked about architecture, music, life in general. We laughed at several things. We had tea and coffee and it was late. We smiled at each other and we waited for each other. Dancing with you was terrible, but fun. You would walk around nervously and I tried to follow. That’s what tango is supposed to be like: the man leads, the woman follows. Is tango a metaphor for life? I hope not. Why did I decide to travel down the same path again? If being afraid was already a red flag? I’ve missed you without realizing it. What am I going to do to let you go? How can I avoid the tears and the disappointment? If I stay, I will be conflicted and I will have to change who I am. As you say, there’s no winning with me. Photo: Keiko, Hollywood Beach, June 2009.

It's tonight!

Can I pose questions without sounding accusatory? It was a beautiful morning. We mourned her loss over coffee and a tango song that I interrupted because I didn’t want to make you cry. It rained last night and my tiny body was tired and dry. I was hungry, but I was also tired of thinking. Reasoning seems such a foreign language to me. Am I a whining baby? How do you see me? Drop me a line, I say casually, as if I could hide what my eyes say. I nod. I tie knots with my long fingers. I paint the nonsense of my soul. Master’s Degree of Fine Arts: Creative Writing. What kind of works? Does it pay well? Can we survive and capitalize on ideas, on feelings, on not belonging? How can you capitalize on being who you are and showing that urgency to the world? Why can’t I just be content being pragmatic, making ends meet? Why can’t I just be? I don’t want to be a number. Maybe because if I retell stories, they will sound appealing and people will feel something when they read what I’ve written. T...

It was easier today to get up at 6 a.m. I took a shower and had a small cup of coffee. I woke up humming a tango song that I still didn't have on my iPod. So I came to my computer and bought three new songs. I got a text message from someone who is far away, but he didn't call last night. I can't help but wonder: what was he up to? I'd like to understand my instincts. Why can't I just trust anymore? Or shall I say, why can't I trust him? After I got that text, I had a very weird dream. I'm heading to my Yoga class with a bunch of new songs to listen to. Music makes life less ordinary. Love, on the other hand, tends to complicate things.