unicidades

The architecture of the city is plural and restless. Your voice comes and goes. The sky was pale blue today. White here and there. Clouds. Whispers.  Our dialog is more vivid now. I still see how intense your eyes are. You come and go from me. But I know you never really leave. At least, that is the illusion that keeps me - going? I see patterns. They make sense. Like you made sense a while ago. I can't reason with Love, can I? Love, this palpable, irrational measurement of attachment and desire.  I don't know if you are the same anymore. The same I knew.  Did I ever know you? It doesn't matter because you fit like a symptom fits a disease. You fit my fantasy. My fantasy was so concrete and so tangible. I play us in my head. If I had. If you had. But history doesn't rewrite itself.  I can't walk down the street to try and find you.   Unchanged sea. Under the same sheltering sky. I love you.

Winter seems long, long, and intense - some type of fog. It's a hazy Winter. It is dark out, it is too early to be dark. I had a dream the night before last. You were with me. Our eyes were twins - sad eyes. Deep eyes. We were smiling at that thought. You are a distraction from the mundane. Ocean Eyes, just like the song. I tell myself it is for the better to talk to you from a distance. The ocean you showed me is vibrant and almost tastes like Summer. I want to dive into those waters and never leave. I want the Summer to be back so that I can be at the beach savoring my solitude. There is no better place than the ocean. The ocean in your arms. I open my eyes - it is still Winter. The landscape has not changed since. Since the day you left. 

Someone I loved   This is for you, who came and went. I carry your heart, you know I do. You never left. There was never just me. We have always been two, two in one. I am still talking to your heart. Call me crazy. From my window I new lights. New colors. The horizon is bright.  and  yet Are you tired of my voice in your head? I can't not talk to you. Everywhere I turn, I still see you. There are memories that persist. Dreams that come back. Voices that I hear. You are. I wonder every day. From this tiny window. Birds fly across the beautiful cold sky. They are going somewhere. Living perhaps? It is a shame how things turned out. The warrior who didn't fight. The queen who was never crowned.  Empty spaces, time echoing around my face. The absurd loneliness of finding that I am nothing but a shell. e. e. cummings have mercy.

To The Wonder by Terrence Malick  He combines music and image in such a way that my senses tremble every single time I watch one of his films. Slow and captivating, an intricate narrative into what happens inside of the soul. To The Wonder captures well my present self. Here and there. Two women in one. One that lets herself be loved by the love that loves her. I also am another woman who loves your blue eyes and the sense of being one.  Intertwined somewhere in there, a sense of found and lost faiths. Attentive eyes into the miracle and deep state of being alive and all its wonders and miseries.  I no longer wait for. I exist in the present tense. A less intense soul, pervaded by a more subtle taste of colors and wonder. You are my shadow, still. The presence I now know. The same way Terrence portrays the broken souls and the yearning to belong in To The Wonder. Is life really a miracle? A dream? The questions remain: why have I met you? Why did I seek you in the first p...

  Happens To The Heart I wonder what is going to happen to you. Now and tomorrow when you get tired of your new life. When the new way becomes old, just like I became old. What is going to happen to you, when you realize there's no way out from this. There is no way you can hide. There is no way to erase it. The scar is too deep, the memories too intense. Maybe it is just me. But sometimes I feel like it's not. That the fog of us also embraces you. You change jobs. Move away and still. What happens to the heart? What you are going to be tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. I don't want you just when I want you. Because I never stopped wanting you. You are the one my heart has chosen. Not now, not yesterday. Many years ago. It is like being hungry for someone. For your pores, your scent. Animal and spiritual in one. Bright and dark. You are my prison and my secret. I can't escape it. The fiber of me is tangled in the blue that you are. What happens to the heart? Cu...

Sometimes I think of the lives I didn’t live. Like the life of a hummingbird whose heart can beat for over a thousand times a minute. Such a tiny body and yet, so full of energy and muscle power to travel around, with such mesmerizing grace and speed. Sometimes I also think about the life we didn’t have together. How I fool myself thinking it is ok. It is not ok to walk around with a broken heart. It is not ok to relive our brief moments together as if I were watching a movie—so many misunderstandings. I don’t know what hurts more: if the fact I don’t matter (to you) or the fact that you don’t get me. I can’t have my old life back. I can’t live this one either. I have been waiting for things to change, and it has all been in vain. I miss you when I don’t miss you. I think of you when I don’t think of you. My heart, whose power is not strong enough to beat a thousand times per minute, is tired. It is broken. And yet, it recognizes that its main purpose is to love you. It might not bea...

There are stories that simply cannot be told. Any version won't do them justice. More details, fewer details: irrelevant. The simplified version, an elaborate one: irrelevant.  If I had to tell this story I have in mind to an audience, they would certainly tell me I am crazy and I would probably agree with them. Some stories make no sense. There are no plausible answers. These stories have no beginning and no end. They just exist as if they were part of something that transcends the version of the story we tell ourselves, which we might think is the true version. In this story, there are two couples living far away from each other. One couple lived in South America. They got married in 1972. She was ten years older than him. An odd couple if you ask me. The other couple lived in North America. I don't have many details on this couple, I just know it was a somewhat turbulent relationship, just like the one in South America. The South American couple had two kids, one in 1974 a...