unicidades

Write until I can erase it completely. I want to remove the love, the memories. Whatever is left of you and me. I want to travel far away. Where not even my thoughts can find me. Don't beg for love, lost little girl. You want it so badly. But you still don't know what. I. Can we see the world for what it is? Having loved is better than not having loved? So many questions. How do I see the world, now? Am I a cynical, disillusioned middle-aged little girl? I photographed you in my head. Your dancing. Your smile. Your contradictions. Your less than- world. And yet I loved you. It was difficult to part and abandon these so intense love idea(l)s. Discovering you and your music. Blending in. Trying to be. Just being. Giving you a chance to blossom. And then. I left. And the sun was foggy and melted.

...Namely to fly in her thoughts to a place close yet distant, both here and not there; present, but untouched by doubt or by fear. For instance, she mused on the linguistic feat that gave creatures names quite apart from their meat. By David Rakoff in Love, Dishonor, Marry, Die, Cherish, Perish His voice was subtle. Waves coming to me at the shore. I saw my tears pouring And the clouds claiming my soul. I was never afraid of loving and yet now I fear I fear like I have feared scallop fishing After my mom died. Before freedom there was security and the warmth of your embrace Look at me, I said. See me. You holding me in the fantasy we suspected Unknown Heart Quietly Dissipate your fears Dew Drying, g olden morning and the lake we drink softly from each other's mouths And repent and love for what love is A mysterious force that escapes us I see life from here Life is a movie I see it, but I am not in it Mirror images - you and me. Negative i...

She had a flower growing in her lungs.

It is sunny outside. I stayed in all day today. Stuffing my face with high calorie food. I am trying to compensate for the emptiness I feel. I made great tea with ginger. So much ginger it was spicy. I miss dancing tango on Sundays. I miss CITA. I have so many questions. So many things I don't know about you. So many fears. Men fall in love. Or so they say. But for me it's rather difficult to stay in love. I see their flaws. I make projections and I don't see myself living with things that break my peace of mind. It's been two weeks since I left you. I don't take pride in that. I am actually rather sad and sorry. I just didn't know what to do. I snooped. My questions had been torturing me. Funny, I knew you were trouble since the first day I met you. I have a hard time slowing down. We have had several fights. But I really gave up after our first one. Hard to explain why. You startled my soul. I crawled back to my fears when you and I took that route. I...

Manolo turns 8 months-old today. We have our little routines, the four of us. I am happy dogie mommy. I miss you. The pain is. Made myself two cups of coffee this morning. There's nothing I want more in life than being happy with someone. I guess realizing that is a great step. But I know relationships are hard to sustain. And I know compromising is hard work. Haven't heard from the Key Biscayne office just yet. Music was our background panel. I listened to Kind of Blue last night. That was one of our soundtracks. We had so many. It made me think of me crying in your arms. I have fantasized about seeing you & being with you, I lust you Not sure why because we have nothing to say to each other. I miss dancing. I miss tango. I miss. Amiss. I wonder if you are fine. Happy. If you have a new person. If you are angry. Writing will help me heal & time. My memories of you are blurry. Your happy smile was beautiful. Feeling you while you held me was mag...

Hago un viaje hasta tu presencia. Te veo lindo y tierno en el oscuro de tu cuarto. Eras lindo cuando dulce. Cuando dejavas de pelear con el mundo. Era una seda tu piel. Y tu calor era mi casa. Mi abrigo en un nido. Te pienso ahora casi nene. Como en la foto del caballo. Nunca te conte que uno de mis suenos era ver fotos de mi novio, de mi amor cuando chico. Fotos de cuando era pibe. Tu me ensenaste eso. Un lindo nene. Un nene con color de ojos perecidos a los mios. Ahora que te mire de cerca yo lo se. Tenes ojos parecidos a los mios. Te extrano. Y te olvido.