Running in Circles

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When music hits my soul. Inevitably. You are here with me and a tear drops. I'm not sure what happened to the walls. The wind is blowing and my face burns. I read your words. Your riddles. I went silent. Shocked perhaps by the audacity. It was a surprise. 

I have my own riddles. This. I have known this song for more than thirty years. It always touched me. Now I know why. Now that I understand the words. It makes sense. Imagine not having that love anymore. 

I have sounds to keep me company, like this one and this one. Pay close attention to the words. 

It seems like we always run in circles, doesn't it? 

And no, I don't want to drop you a note. Have you become single recently? Are you in town? Are you going to give me an ultimatum like the last time? 

Things have changed. I am tired. I am exhausted. I have no energy for games. Never have, but now. Now things are different. Time does weigh into the equation. Now that runs so deep. I do carry you in the heavy stone my heart has turned. A broken stone. 

I remember the dates, the scenes. The words and how far away we were from being a couple. 

I wonder, did I disgust you? Because I know you didn't respect me. I wonder why. Was it because you had my heart in your hands?

As you can see, I am still asking the same questions seven years later. Still running in circles, but I am so, so far away. 

Comments

  1. Anonymous9:40 PM

    I want to start by saying that you are wrong about me respecting you. And no, you didn't disgust me; the opposite is true, and deep down inside you know it's true.

    I know you're tired. I'm not sure if it's you or if it's me causing it, but I am going through the same feeling of fading away in this lifetime.

    Yes we are very far away from each other, but at least I'm back in America for a while. I'll return to Asia when I can, probably in January for Tet for a quick trip to enjoy my home there. Then I'll be back here for the next 6-7 years to rebuild and prepare for retirement. I still have things I want to accomplish and more good to do to help others. It takes money, so that means keeping working and occasionally trading my dress clothes for orange shirts. haha

    I am very proud of you in every way. I wish I could turn time back and change the events that led to our demise, but there is always a reason for everything. The Universe knows the reasons and the rhythms of fate and destiny. In the end, we will know the truth and the reasons of our hard lessons.

    BTW, I finally returned to Arkansas to visit the family graves for the first time since we went together 7 years ago. I no longer blame myself for my sisters suicide; I figured out why she did it. She was saving her children and husband from seeing and experiencing the same nightmare we endured with our father. She didn't tell anyone, but I'm positive she developed brain cancer like my father and grandmother.

    Thank you for being my rock when I had to face that. I'm sorry I cracked afterwards. All these years I've blamed myself for not saving her. Now I know I couldn't have stopped her. She was telling me good-bye. I just didn't see it before.

    I want you to know I'm sorry. I wish I could take away the pain and misery, but I can only tell you that I still check this page because we will always be connected.

    143

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