The reasons why - Semi-Fiction

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I want to take you out of my heart. I want to forget both the good and the bad moments. I want to forget everything that made us special. All the things I have sought and never found before. Also, all the pain I endured. Our first break up, our first two weeks without talking before we broke up.  You kissing another woman in front of me after a tanda of tango when we were just starting. The things you kept from me, the things you did tell me. The fact that you still legally married to someone else. The things we didn't share. Your criticisms towards my way of dancing tango. Moments that we got distanced from each other. The first time you told me someone else was adorable and I could see it in your eyes that that gave you joy. The times I was sick and alone. When I went to two wakes by myself. That time you came with me to meet my friends. The Christmas dinner I prepared for us and our New Year's Eve evening. The movies that we watched that were, most of the time, not interesting, but I was there with you. That one time I went to a milonga alone because you didn't care. It was our Sunday night. The hours that I waited for you with food at home. Things that I thought would make you happy. The moments that I waited and waited for you. There were other times that you waited for me too. Times that we made coffee together. The lazy mornings that you allowed me to sleep as much as I wanted. Our dances that people commented on. And then the beginning of the end. The pregnancy. The incident. The fights. Your wife calling and calling. The step son I never met. All of your lies. Your face when I gave you the news about the baby. Your face later on when you said you tried for so long having a baby with another woman. Your dancing people. Your world that I couldn't be part of. Things that I know nothing about. Your text message to that other woman you used to like. People and us. How many people there were in this relationship that died so many times? How many times can someone see love dying and then be there again to see it flourish?

And still I don't hate you.
But silence in my head now would do me good.

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