Frio

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Levanto antes da seis da matina para ir buscar um cobertor, faz frio. Levanto e penso que te odeio e que se estivesses aqui, estaria eu abracada em ti e nao sentiria frio. Te maldigo pela solidao. Te maldigo pela tua ausencia. Te maldigo pela tua falta de carater. Te maldigo.

Quero ir ver o sol nascer. O ouvido me incomoda. Mal posso respirar. A asma me sufoca. Volto para a cama cambaleante e penso que me fazes falta. Adormeco. Abandono meus planos. Volto a cama com a intencao de ir a aula de Yoga depois do trabalho.

Acordo. A cabeca lateja. Pego o celular para ver quantos minutos ainda tenho para fingir que estou dormindo. Duas mensagens tuas. O coracao nao se afoba. Leio as mensagens. Uma fala do frio e de o quanto tu me estranhas, sentes minha falta. A outra simplestemente diz que me amas. O frio nos conecta uma vez mais, nem que seja em pensamento. Me viro para o outro lado esperando que a coberta mais pesada possa me aquecer plenamente, desdenhante do amor que clamas, mas ciente da falta que me fazes. E eis que durmo, um sono leve a atormentado. A manha me parece aniquiladora. Todas, sem ti, sao iguais.

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