The Moon, Palaces, Relationships, Energy and Love

I am a true believer that relationships start the way they will endure. Sometimes they improve, sometimes they die. Sometimes they struggle and are sent to intensive care units. A few years ago I started a relationship that wasn't meant to be romantic. At the time, I didn't understand that the kind of feelings I had towards that person was love, but a fraternal kind of love. Somehow we managed to stay friends and reconnect after several attempts to stay away from each other on a friendly basis. One of the things I praised about my relationship with him was our sense of humor and the nice intelligent conversations we used to have. We even talk about tango since he's also a tango dancer. Often we disagree. But there were many times that we have also agreed. I care about him. And I also know that he cares about me. The pain he has inflicted me (that I now realize wasn't his fault) is now gone and I know that he didn't to hurt me as I didn't mean to hurt him either. Sometimes I look at the orchid he gave me for Christmas one time. It is not in good shape and that makes me sad. I am not good with plants. Recently he has told me that our conversations about tango have influenced his dancing. (Pardon me if I am not quoting you correctly). I mentioned to him that I have taken my first private class with Luna Palacios on Saturday and he agrees that I am really taking a step towards growing as a tango dancer. I have never seen her performing and somehow I am not interested in that. Only on you tube a long time ago when I found her dancing a milonga with Flaco Dani. But it turns out that her boyfriend works at CITA and she goes there to dance with him. I have seen her dancing with him and then I decided to take privates with her. So, during my first private we worked on my torso projection or the amount of energy I should be putting into the dancing. How to send that energy out to my partner and connect with him. She explained how it's important to be one while dancing. How I am responsible for my own axis and how to change the weight more effectively. Someone might say, wow, do you really need a private for that? And my answer is yes. That's actually the essence of tango. What your legs do is basically the result of what your torso is doing. Everything comes from the embrace. Aesthetically you can have a beautiful embrace and not connection. I don't think that's the tango I am seeking. I am looking for the real thing. The essence. Luna also said that no matter how little energy a guy gives you, you should always keep yourself in place.  Isn't that true for relationships as well? Projecting. Breathing. Showing him the energy of your core. Surrendering to the embrace. Embracing the dream of finding that special connection with someone for three minutes. As in life, we look for love sometimes from people we should be only friends with and we put a lot of energy into a romantic relationship that will never be, in tango we should also make an offer. We should offer the intensity of the soul. The dialog between two people who don't necessarily know each other. Two people connected by a song and three minutes of bliss. It's not necessarily true that the more energy you put into a relationship the more successful that relationship will be. In tango, according to Luna, that's what you should do. You should give it all. You should try to wrap your feelings inside of you and then expand them into your partner's soul. It's only then that you will have experienced a tango connection. My friend said he has had very intense tandas this past weekend. I wonder if he was connected to their soul. So, I go back home after dancing a few tandas and I think about my private, what Luna has said, the energy I put into my relationship with my friend and the energy that still holds us together. There's this special place in which we both belong and experience life and share things with each other. That was always there between us. We may have confused it with other types of love at some point. But the energy of friendship and complicity to some extent is still there. I opened a book he gave me  and I saw myself in that book. Of all the people I know, he is the one who understands best my quest for love. My desire to understand love. The understanding he has explains the book he bought for me. So, we continue in our personal quests to find our tango and the energy that will keep us dancing and dreaming. Hopefully with the intensity of those who love life and are capable to surrender to the unexpected.

To my dearest friend R. To his bravery. For I feel fortunate to have crossed his path.