An evening to remember - Life teaches you

My dance partner and I were invited to perform at CITA, the oldest Argentinian Tango Club in Southern Florida. The showcase happened on Sunday, December 09th. We were invited to dance two songs and because it was our last public appearance before the San Francisco competition, I wanted to do anything I could to make the evening a memorable one. I also wanted to make sure I felt confident in terms of clothing, makeup and hair. I invited friends and photographers. I invited my teachers. I brought my iPhone to have the showcase recorded and videos uploaded to YouTube. The photographers couldn't make it, but one of my students had a very good camera and he took pictures and filmed the event as well.

We started dancing at the milonga and we were dancing just fine.

Then the time for the performance came and I saw myself alone on the dance floor. I couldn't believe what I was feeling.

There was no lead from my dance partner's end. I couldn't follow his hesitant marks. I was lost. I held him tight hoping he would feel me and just sympathize with my agony. We made several subtle mistakes. We did manage to get an applause from the audience in the middle of the song. But the feeling at the end of the song was simply a survival feeling. At the end of the song, when we were asked to dance a second song, he asked me if I wanted to do the lift we had practiced in the afternoon. I said no and I couldn't believe my ears.

The second song was even worse. It was a waltz which is a type of tango we don't really dance that well. Tango is definitely our forte.

Then, those almost three minutes ended. When I was able to breathe again, I saw my teacher standing in the middle of the crowd applauding and that touched me. We got lots of compliments and I just wanted to watch the video. I wanted to analyze how awful it had been.

When I watched the video it wasn't as bad as I thought or had felt it was. But it left a lot to be desired. Someone once told me that tango doesn't lie. And it's true. Konstantin and I are not together anymore as boyfriend and girlfriend that we once were. So maybe it was love that kept us together dancing and showing a beautiful embrace everywhere we went. Now that bond is broken and what people saw at CITA was just a ghost of what once was.

When I asked him what had happened that evening he said that it was lack of practice. But I know deep down inside that that's not the problem. I realize now that I can't dance with you anymore. You didn't take responsibility for what happened at CITA at all. In tango, the man listens to the music, plans and leads and the woman executes. Without guidance, the woman can't do much. If the man is gone from the dance floor, the woman is just incapable of dancing.

So, I lost my patience and told Konstantin where the problem was. But being a ballroom champion and a ballroom instructor for so many years he fails to admit where the problem really was.

With the very little dignity that I have left in me, I told him last night that the San Francisco competition is off. I will go to the festival alone to dance and see my friends, but I will hold on the competition. I wanted to show off our connection. Our tango. But that is gone as our relationship faded into much less than breadcrumbs.

I feel lost and somewhat sad. But our relationship has always been very turbulent and volatile. It's been 3 years of on and off love and hatred.

It's time to call it quits for the sake of some self-respect and dignity.