I read one of the most beautiful things yesterday: I accept you as you are, despite the mood you are in. I don't think anybody has said that to me exactly like that. Sometimes I am my worst enemy for not accepting me the way I am.
To NR. My heart feels so tight today. It needs an outpouring— of grief and joy, of all the things that make it so heavy, so dense. A stampede of emotions, disconnected hues. It just rained here. The sky was dark, and sad. But now—light, breezy, hot and humid. You remember, don’t you, What it feels like in Florida after the heavy rain? I even saw a rainbow today. It made me think of our jokes, our giggles. And we could giggle— still. I feel fortunate that I had the rain, the clouds, the rainbow, and now the sun and a blue sky. For fleeting moments, yes— but still. I have the memory of them, at least for now. And Flamenco is playing, saying softly: te quiero. It resonates almost like the sound of almonds as spoken by you— in the whispering escaping from your lips, unsolicited eroticism and yet welcomed. In the same way, I feel fortunate to have experienced us. Even if it was only a fraction of time— a Dali clock, melting away. Our time together, shaped by ...
The architecture of the city is plural and restless. Your voice comes and goes. The sky was pale blue today. White here and there. Clouds. Whispers. Our dialog is more vivid now. I still see how intense your eyes are. You come and go from me. But I know you never really leave. At least, that is the illusion that keeps me - going? I see patterns. They make sense. Like you made sense a while ago. I can't reason with Love, can I? Love, this palpable, irrational measurement of attachment and desire. I don't know if you are the same anymore. The same I knew. Did I ever know you? It doesn't matter because you fit like a symptom fits a disease. You fit my fantasy. My fantasy was so concrete and so tangible. I play us in my head. If I had. If you had. But history doesn't rewrite itself. I can't walk down the street to try and find you. Unchanged sea. Under the same sheltering sky. I love you.
Manuel Antonio Gaudi Sanches Rodrigues aka Manolo Aggi Born November 02, 2012. 2012 was a good year. If my biggest dream of all hasn't been accomplished, I got my small and big prizes some other ways. Edwin recovered well from his surgery. Benjamin grew to be a gorgeous cat. I went to Buenos Aires and Porto Alegre and had a blast. I worked hard and I tried to get my business off the ground. I took swimming lessons and learned how to swim. I started making jewelry and sold a few pieces. I danced a lot on Sundays. I made plans and I overcame adversity. I was able to manage financially and emotionally. I modeled a couple of times and that was fun. I performed tango a few times. I got back with an old love and had to call it quits. It was a year of important and new friendships. It was a humbling year. I started learning about makeup and realizing it is much more difficult than what I had initially thought. I met some great tangueros. I had ...
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