unicidades

More here. All photos are by J-09

The English Patient.

It's my favorite part of my Sundays. I always look forward to it. The dancing last night was nice, I think I was inspired. I didn't run into anyone, which was definitely very good. I tried dancing with my sparkly street shoes, but they are too loose and that's very annoying. I do love those shoes for several reasons. The heel height is just perfect, they are very comfortable and have nice padding on the ball of the foot. I find perfect balance when dancing wearing them, but they're not tight enough. So, I went back to my regular CIF and I could literally feel the floor. I am trying to use the technique Diego Mohammad has taught me and I feel more in control when walking. It also feels a lot smoother to walk. I got a lot of positive feedback. One guy danced one tanda with me and left. He's not a regular at the place, I don't know his name and it's the second time I danced with him. His lead was very clear and it felt secure. He led me into volcadas that were...

Simply D'arienzo.

My ideal Christmas gift: a home for them.

Olivia is traveling again! This time she's going to Venice. I can't wait to read it. I prefer her wearing red, but she also looks cute in blue stripes.

"My Skin" by Natalie Merchant Take a look at my body Look at my hands   There's so much here That I don't understand Your face saving promises Whispered like prayers  I don't need them  I don't need them I've been treated so wrong I've been treated so long As if I'm becoming untouchable  Contempt loves the silence It thrives in the dark  With fine winding tendrils That strangle the heart They say that promises Sweeten the blow But I don't need them No, I don't need them I've been treated so wrong I've been treated so long As if I'm becoming untouchable I'm a slow dying flower Frost killing hour The sweet turning sour And untouchable O, I need The darkness The sweetness The sadness The weakness I need this I need A lullaby A kiss goodnight Angel sweet Love of my life O, I need this Do you remember the way That you touched me before All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored? Your face saving promises Whispe...

Image: Pensive I by Karl Gray. I am so fed up with what people say. Maybe they should start minding their own business. I write and expose myself on my blog, which very few people read not because I want anybody to empathize or tell me what to do. I don't want any advice, help, testimony, pity, or anything. I just want to write and leave it alone. People deal with pain and their own traumas in so many different ways. I write.  As I walked in the park, I started thinking about Of Love and Lust by Reik. According to him, love releases us of psychical tension and sex releases us from our physical tension. It doesn't mean necessarily that you can find both in one person. That, to me, is exactly the problem. My mom used to say that what I wanted didn't exist. As I walked today, barely making it back to the coldness of the place where I work, I thought: was she right? The world is overpopulated. Life is complicated, at least to some of us. Is it possible that there's nobody ...

Below zero.

I made up my mind and have decided to visit Buenos Aires soon. I think I am going to stop in Sao Paulo and visit a friend for a few days and then head to the world capital of tango. My time has come. I can't wait any longer. I will visit Montevideo as well. I don't think I will visit my hometown. We'll see. I do want to go to Spain, but I don't want to celebrate my birthday in Florida and I don't want to visit Spain during winter. So, Buenos Aires here I come!

It's winter again. The weekend was blue, pale, cold, windy. There was silence in the house and the smell of sweet cherries. I followed my heart. I wanted to cry because of how really violent reality can be. One second you're doing fine and then the next second you see something grotesque that shocks you and those who are around you. I didn't do everything I had planned for Friday. I went to a beauty school to have my hair and face done. It was nice and I'd definitely would go there again. The story with the lady who helped me is a whole new post that I don't know if I should write. Then I had time to get my new book in the mail and read a few pages of it. I am liking it, but I didn't like the one page about lying.  Later that day I headed to a my new psychologist. It was nice talking to her. Opening up about the things I am experiencing is always something revealing. Then I went shopping and came home to get ready for the milonga. I got there on time, which is ...

The book I've been given has so many answers.

Thank you for being brave last night. I was listening to this song, which is new to me, and I thought of you. I could sing it for you, but I don't think that would work out that well. I am still polishing my singing skills. So, I'll spare you the trouble and offer you the words here: Kind and Generous You've been so kind and generous, I don't know how you keep on giving For your kindness I'm in debt to you For your selflessness, my admiration For everything you've done, you know I'm bound, I'm bound to thank you for it.... You've been so kind and generous, I don't know how you keep on giving For your kindness I'm in debt to you And I never could have come this far without you For everything you've done, you know I'm bound, I'm bound to thank you for it.... Oh, I want to thank you for so many gifts you gave with love and tenderness, I wanna thank you I want to thank you for your generosity, the love and the honesty th...

Photo by Dan Garver.  You can check out his work here. I made a very important decision last night and I hope I can honor it until the day I die. May I never forget the immense sadness I have experienced this year. May I be resilient to move on once and for all. May I be resilient. May I be wiser and choose the people I love more carefully. May I love life again and surround myself with happy people and experiences. May I honor my heritage and never walk through life without faith. May I cry only when it can't be avoided and it's necessary. May I smile more often and enough so I bring beauty and joy to the world and people around me. May my hands and feet have a purpose and draw unique pictures in the air. I pray so that my life has some kind of meaning again.

Yoga Class Walk on the Beach Psychologist Appointment Beauty Salon Tango Music Research/ iPod Practica at home by myself Milonga - Not Sure yet It sounds like a good plan, although I think that a walk on the beach with this weather might be a thing suitable for only penguins. Since I am not a penguin (I might be a bird of some sort), I might skip that and stay home with a big cup of hot cocoa and a good movie.

Diego Mohammad is teaching tonight at Grace's Cafe. Hope he's a good teacher. I haven't had a chance to watch his videos yet. Anyway, it's worth checking it out.

I can't wait to get my book in the mail and to take my yoga class tomorrow. For those interested in yoga, here's a good link: Yogaville.

When he met me, I had decided not to go out with anybody. So, when I heard the question: are you planning on going out with that guy?, we were walking on Spagnola Way, side by side, as I was admiring the shop's windows and their colorful expensive products. I got very surprised and defensive. I wasn't planning on going out with anybody, as I said. It also surprised me to hear that question coming from you. I always felt like we could talk about many things, but it didn't seem like  that was none of your business. KGB seemed sweet and I guess you know me well enough to know that I liked him, maybe something on my face revelead that. Perhaps that's why you asked the question. I am a romantic, unfortunately. Soon enough, I let my guard down and was going out with a person who is fair from being someone who is compatible with me. Little by little, I was finding out all these things about him that rubbed me the wrong way. But I insisted and succumbed to his come-backs and...

A long time ago, I was reading one of my favorite blogs on the internet, and the author posted something like: Hubris is manifested through pretension. One of the things about this particular blog that I love is that it makes me think. At that point, I had posted something on my blog about believing a man who tells you he doesn't have anything to offer. I immediately made a mental connection between his words and how I sounded. Did I sound arrogant? Was I being pretentious? Was I manifesting this Porteno side of myself? The truth of the matter is that, the man in question - the ex, the one I was referring to, does not have anything to offer me. I, once again, ignored the red flags and gave it a shot. Just to clarify it: if a man says that he is not interested in a serious relationship, also believe him. If a man is narcissistic and puts dancing before all the rest or sex before anything else (to the point he would cheat on his wife or the person he lives with), believe me, you wi...

I ordered it through Amazon and I am looking forward to having it right next to my bed.

Clever videos about tango. Hilarious. This particular one is about the eternal discussion between followers and leaders. The Bliss of Learning Tango Together.

Tango at Novecento was nice. It was a nice change of atmosphere. The place is pretentious and the floor is not the best one, but it was interesting. The Malbec they had gave me a headache. The empanadas, which I brought home, were delicious. The tango show didn't do it for me. Overall, it was a positive experience, but I doubt I will be going there again.

Ja nem eu mesma aguento a mesma ladainha. Quero colocar um ponto final na nossa historia. Nossa historia que se arrasta ha meses. Por fim te disse: acabou. Mas eu sei dentro de mim que nao acabou. Que eu quase dirigi ate tua casa noite passada para estar contigo. Para te dizer que sinto tua falta. Que nos dois podemos ser.  Certa vez tu ficaste emocionado por terem te dito que teu jeito de dancar se parece ao de uma pessoa muito conhecida e bem estabelecida no tango. Para mim essa pessoa foi sempre meio que um fantasma. A parte da tecnica, nunca vi nada de extra-ordinario em seu estilo. Eis que ontem ele me aparece. Me convida para dancar. Eu pasma, penso: sera que vai ser como dancar contigo? Dancamos minhas tres ultimas cancoes no lugar. Ele me sorriu um sorriso muito torto, mas que parecia muito sincero. Me pareceu impressionado. Seu riso o demonstrou. Dancamos tao perto que eu senti a fragrancia do seu perfume. Me lembra um perfume antigo Boticario que me causava certa repulsa...

I love as I drive. Anyway, things are always connected. There's no way to exclude certain things from your love life, or professional life. They are what they are because you are who you are. That obviously can change, but the essence will remain.

I am reading Made in America: An Informal History of the English Language in the United States by Bill Bryson. It's such a great book. If one wants to understand this land, one has to dive in its language and history.  

There are days that I want so badly to get away from bimboland. Even my neighbors now are becoming bimbos.

Levanto antes da seis da matina para ir buscar um cobertor, faz frio. Levanto e penso que te odeio e que se estivesses aqui, estaria eu abracada em ti e nao sentiria frio. Te maldigo pela solidao. Te maldigo pela tua ausencia. Te maldigo pela tua falta de carater. Te maldigo. Quero ir ver o sol nascer. O ouvido me incomoda. Mal posso respirar. A asma me sufoca. Volto para a cama cambaleante e penso que me fazes falta. Adormeco. Abandono meus planos. Volto a cama com a intencao de ir a aula de Yoga depois do trabalho. Acordo. A cabeca lateja. Pego o celular para ver quantos minutos ainda tenho para fingir que estou dormindo. Duas mensagens tuas. O coracao nao se afoba. Leio as mensagens. Uma fala do frio e de o quanto tu me estranhas, sentes minha falta. A outra simplestemente diz que me amas. O frio nos conecta uma vez mais, nem que seja em pensamento. Me viro para o outro lado esperando que a coberta mais pesada possa me aquecer plenamente, desdenhante do amor que clamas, mas ciente...

It's becoming very difficult to take tango classes as often as I need them. My three hour class/practica on Mondays has been canceled. Then we tried semi-private classes at the teacher's house in Coral Springs. Coral Springs is far for me, but I've attended it twice. On my way home last week, I was so tired that I fell asleep while driving. The other class I used to like, which happens on Thursdays, is also not happening this week. Tonight there's a milonga, but it's far and I don't get along with the crowd who goes there. On Fridays, as far as I know there's only the class at the milonga  Tango Ocho, which I don't usually enjoy.(the class per se, I enjoy the milonga). I've been practicing at home a lot, but it's not the same. I have to find alternatives. Fast.