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Soul and Spirit

If I were to communicate with you, I would just tell you that so many things cross my mind when I think of you. You are the still image of an era. The black and white portrait on the wall. The source of restless nights and forgotten dreams. The chaos that inhabits the lands of me. Impossible to define you and what you are. Fragments of thoughts diffuse into my day to day life. Memories of us. The music that surrounded our epigraph. Dam my memory, capable of forgetting what just happened and yet, drenched into the memory of you. If I told you that you broke my soul and my heart that would make you feel good. You see, I end up feeling I always lose with you. 
Can't make up my mind, if you do it on purpose. Silent witness of the discomfort and suffering of others. A mere victim of your own past? A product of unloving parents. The conflicted father. The abusive and drug dependent mother. 
I check my email sometimes and I expect to see your name.  I heard you moved.  Away.
What does o…
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Master in Food Science and Nutrition

Life is different and better now. I come from a place of peace and comfort. I have in my hands new books with information that has changed my life. I feel healthy and strong again. G-d has spoken to me.

I went jogging a couple of weeks ago, asthma free... No inhalers. And I got a message from G-d that my mission in life is to educate people and to study nutrition. It goes along with being a librarian. It goes along with my Brazilian life and it goes along with my principles and what I believe in.

Life is smiling at me. After 40 years of being chronically ill and asthmatic, I am symptom free and I feel like I can conquer the world.

My reference book will always be Healing Foods by Anthony William. 

The more I read the more I like his style, his recipes, his explanations. He explains it in a simple way. He allows you to improvise. He is a generous person. He gives and shares. He is helping so many people.

I have compiled a list of resources and I am reading a lot, but every time, I go …

Freezing Cold

The house is empty.
It's sunny out and the sky is blue. Perfect silence upon us.
Hands together. The perfect warmth of your body in mine.
Don't let me go or vanish from your life.

I have grown.
I turned 40 this past February.
I remember how hungry I used to be - hungry, thirsty for life that is.

Now I have seen more. It's been over ten years that I started living.
Living with color and grace. 10 years of Tango dancing - on and off.
Heart permitting.

I am reading the Motivation Manifesto. It is helping me brew a very intrinsic desire I always have had. I am still interested in writing. That has been my favorite activity for a long time. Along with Music, Dancing and Reading.

Got familiar with the work of Dr. Nuland recently. Amazing writer.

Life gets tiring sometimes.

The Fairy

I didn't know. I didn't care. I don't want to know. I just want to move on. Because everything hurts right now. The silence, the words, the dreams, things that we didn't do or say. Things that would have sounded good good, things that would've been ok to say. The great nights that were all evaporated into something that was more imagined than lived. I do remember the laughter in that place where we used to meet for coffee and poetry. I remember the colors of those days and the words I invented to define what I was when I was holding you.
I used to like so many things about you. And now time has created a new you and a new me. I'm taking a boat. I want to see what's like on the other side. Olivia wasn't who you thought she was. She waves at you from a distance. Distance is all she asks. And she looks and looks. Because she has herself. She doesn't borrow things from people because she knows they will leave her and take things back. So she learns and…

Expiration Date

Living the pain of wanting a loved one to die
Makes me wish I had no heart
No brain
No thoughts
Because it hurts
To see you dying
And to wish your suffering had an expiration date

The Drowning Shell

Photo by Dan Garver

Tomorrow is a brand new day he said and he called her deary. She closed her eyes and then realized she was still alive. Despite all the pain she had endured all of her life. The pain had not killed her even if sometimes it had felt like it would. She liked the house with all its lights out and the quietness of all the noises in a comfortable distance. Somewhere, she was sure, people were talking animatedly. Lights on, loud voices, music in the background. Music, the greatest viable way to redeem the soul. Joy, she thought. To spare the body from its maladies. It’s music. Music and the art of being fictitious with stories everyone knows. With stories everyone live, experiment, forget. Loves that people leave behind. 
I sip from a hot cup of tea. The rain has stopped. My dad can’t speak anymore. He lost weight.  We don’t talk. Somehow, I am managing to encapsulate myself inside of a life that is deserted. But it’s not even me. It must be that it’s written by the st…