Morning Light
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Things are, things were
Things are foggy these days. This morning I felt like I was a character in the Mists of Avalon. Once upon a time things were better. Once upon a time things were also worse. I finally contacted the person who created the Uni-Cidades template and he'll fix the comments problem by the end of the week. In love how much should you give of your time, your energy, your patience. When should you give up? I only read a few blogs and I don't think he reads me anymore. His last post was about the sea and how She speaks. I wonder about that. I wonder about what has been lost, our last car ride, me crying, those words saying things about me. My students threw a birthday party for me yesterday. They're such great people. They make me less ordinary. While talking to a co-worker yesterday, she reminded me that life is repetition, but how we do things is the way that we leave our mark. I am deeply frustrated with myself. If I don't drown this time, I think I never will.
Temptation
Last night on my way to the milonga, I was so tempted to stop at a palm reader's store. Both on my over there and on my way back. The curiosity is killing me.
At night, after a milonga
I woke up with a brutal migraine. I can say I used to be a morning person, but nowadays if I can, I just stay in bed postponing the inevitable: another day. The cold has this magical effect on me. At least for a while, it makes me feel alive. I observe the rain from my window and the lake moves in unknown ways, I wonder: how much freedom is too much freedom? I have a dark picture of me. My warm smile. Your hands, the winter that seems unending. What's it that I miss? How do people find balance, how do they find balance while being in relationships? Why do women love too much? Why do good women get screwed while the bad ones get away with murder? Mr. R. always had an answer to my questions. Sometimes he doesn't want to tell me what it is because he knows I know. Is his past sweeter in his imagination? My past is. Memory has the power of making you believe things were more magical than they were in reality. Mr. C. once asked me: do you think you'd be happier married?
Fluffy: A Year Later
A year ago, I rescued a small dog from the streets of Plantation. At first, he wasn't friendly to me at all. It was a cold January, the sky was peach and red and I was driving in a very busy street when I saw something that looked like a teddy bear running on the sidewalk. I figured it had to be a dog. I stopped my car and I ran after him for about 20 minutes. We were both scared. I was finally able to take him home and call people to see what I should do. He wouldn't come to me; he was so dirty and afraid. His hair was long and he had no collar. No tag, no nothing. I took him to the vet and then to the Humane Society to see if he had a chip. At the Humane Society, they said I had two options. Leave him there to see if he was going to behave well or take him back home. There I learned that if I were to leave him, Fluffly would have only some hours left (as my brother I discussed the situation) because they thought he was too aggressive. He had tried to bite me that mornin
Back from the hospital
Loneliness becomes even more apparent when you realize that there's no one you would ask to bring you home from the hospital. Not your best friend, not the person you're seeing, not your friends. It seems like loneliness gets bigger when you realize that you'd rather be alone, that you'd rather take a cab. Then you feel like crying because it just feels so empty.