Distance

 

Christina’s World – Andrew Wyeth

I wonder: is there a colored distance between the two of us? If so, what color is it? 

Is it the color of craziness, the cold color of loneliness, the abstract color of despair?

I sent you an e-mail. I left you flowers, I cried so hard last night because there are words and questions that filled my soul with anger and sadness. I feel like I am Christina. Paralyzed. Longing to find a place in the world that matches my needs. A place where I can feel comfortable and happy and free. 

Joy has left. When is she coming back? 

The distance between us was what had killed us over time. Not being able to walk to be in your arms and to find your soul was so challenging that I got exhausted. I got tired of chasing you. 

Now I am crawling alone again in this yellowish world made of good and bad things. A lonely world. 

I cannot even ask you to stay because I feel you were never here.