I am tired, and my body hurts. I have been studying non-stop for almost three years, and I haven't had the time to think (an exercise I praise and miss). Thinking connects me to feelings. I stand here a month a half away from graduating. I persisted when I wanted to rest. I rested when it was not possible to keep going. I pushed my physical and intellectual abilities and limitations to obtain this degree. I am inspired to help others. A friend today commented on how good of a student I am. I am not. My attention is fleeing and flows away from me. It's just 100% effort and a constant battle to focus and concentrate. I had to stop looking and finding meaning because I was burning. The candle burns at both ends. That poem is not mine but suits me well. The journey is long, and it has just started. This experience has taught me so much more than a skill. I am inspired. I hope the sacrifice will be worth it.
Like every Monday for years, I come home from work and call my mother. If I call her any other day she wonders if something is wrong, why am I calling? She seems to be doing well at 80. Then I check my e-mails and what friends have posted on line. I got to yours and I just stopped. Five simple words have so much meaning behind them. Almost three years without my father, I miss him every day...
ReplyDeleteEnjoy every minute you can with your mom. I never thought I'd miss my mom this much, simply because I thought she was so strong, she would never leave us. Naive, right? It's not easy to lose a parent. Somehow that changes our lives forever. The more recent the loss, more acutely painful it is. I am sorry about your loss. Thanks for the comment.
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