I advise you to forget me

Te aconsejo que me olvides Tango 1926 Música: Pedro Maffia Letra: Jorge Curi 

Recibí tu última carta, en la cual tú me decías: "Te aconsejo que me olvides,todo ha muerto entre los dos. Sólo pido mi retrato y todas las cartas mías,ya lo sabes que no es justo que aún eso conserves vos". Hoy reconoces la falta,tenés miedo que yo diga...que le cuente al que tu sabes estra íntima amistad;¡Soy muy hombre, no te vendo, no soy capaz de una intriga! Lo comprendo que, si hablara,quiebro tu felicidad. Pero no vas a negar que cuando vos fuiste mía, dijiste que me querías,que no me ibas a olvidar; y que ciega de cariño me besabas en la boca, como si estuvieras loca...Sedienta, nena, de amar.Yo no tengo inconveniente en enviarte todo eso, sin embargo, aunque no quieras, algo tuyo ha de quedar. El vacío que dejaste y el calor de aquellos besos bien lo sabes que no puedo devolvértelos jamás. Yo lo hago en bien tuyo evitando un compromiso,sacrifico mi cariño por tu apellido y tu honor; me conformo con mi suerte, ya que así el destino quiso pero acuérdate bien mío,¡que esto lo hago por tu amor!

This tango is the story of a forbidden love between a married woman and a man. He says that she doesn't have to worry about him telling her husband about their love affair, but that there's something she can't deny and take from him: the fact that she was very passionate while in his arms. He says that he will return her belongings to her, but she cannot take back the love, the kisses, and the passion.

This song doesn't bring sadness or other strong emotions that I feel when I listen to Desencuentro, for example. When I dance to it, I feel very passionate about the song itself. It's a Troilo song, so it tends to be more melodic, more on the happier side of tango. It's more rhythmic, despite the lyrics and the sadness that accompanies the moment that one decides to let it go of the person one loves and the sad realization that the memories of yourself and that person will always be present for as long you are able to evoke them.

A couple of weeks ago, I was swamped by memories. Good and bad. I was confronted with my own ghosts and to my surprise, the controlled me was almost losing it in public. I got home and I texted a couple of friends because I needed to get it out there. I was feeling angry and sad and passionate and vulnerable all at the same time. Me: The one who wanted to end the relationship once and for all. I was the one who was moving on and was busy and full of ideas and things to do. How could my heart have betrayed me so badly? If indifference is a sign of moving on and being happy again alone, that's all I wasn't that evening. I wasn't indifferent. It dawned on me that I was far from moving on.

But, why is that? After all my pleas and the clear understanding that the relationship wasn't going to work, I, an adult, a 33 year-old female, an independent woman and free-thinker, was sent back to that phase of mourning, suffering and agitation that inevitably makes everybody thinks, including me, that I was still attached to him.

Sunday morning my body was aching and my spirit even more so. I made coffee after dragging myself out of bed and as I had mentally decided, I went to my dancing room, got our canvas-photo in sepia, the one that showed our beautiful tango embrace, and destroyed it with a kitchen utensil. I let my anger speak for itself and the only witness I had was Edwin, The Fat. Obviously, cats are very smart creatures and he went away hoping not to be my next victim.

That very Sunday evening, I was surprised to be chosen to teach a class with El Pibe Sarandi at the one of the most important milongas in the area. I was happy to be doing that, despite the magnitude of my hurt feelings. This song doesn't touch those feelings. This song actually talks about longing. The same longing that I now suffer. On both counts: you and the dancing.

Now I see myself negotiating with life and myself. I am bargaining with my own self and I have three weeks to decide.