A Journey

I just finished reading the Journey To The Edge of the Light: A Story of Love, Leukemia, and Transformation by Cristina Nehring. I've read her other book A Vindication Of Love and it became one of my favorite books. The Journey To The Edge is a very concise and intense book about faith in life, maternal, unconditional love. The writer got pregnant by accident and went on to having a baby  whom, she discovered after the delivery, had been born with Down Syndrome. Nehring wasn't married at the time. She still isn't married. The baby's father left both of them soon after the baby was born. She claims, at the beginning of the Journey, that she had hopes for the relationship with the father of the child when she decided to have the baby. This book touches me in several levels.

More than ever I've experienced a holler coaster of emotions towards my current relationship status, my family, my values and my circumstances. I ask myself: why do people have children? What makes them love a newborn so much? Am I capable of loving unconditionally? Am I able to do what she has done alone? Would have I done the same? What's the difference between a good parent and a bad one? Will I ever experience the desire to have a baby with someone? Would I ever meet someone who will inspire me to have a baby? I do have answers to (some) of these questions despite the fact that some of the answers don't please me at all. I also know my wounds are fresh and these questions hurt still almost as much as they did a few months ago.