Today

I did my hair today and it rained. I got my nails done and I had to go buy milk. I took my last private with Luna Palacios. I bought a pair of tango shoes. Different brand. Different style. I bought a tango shirt. I thought of you as if. I listened to some of my favorite songs. I got inspired while dancing. Luna gave me great insight. I am waiting now. Tomorrow I will take Benjamin Solomon to the clinic. He's getting neutered. I worry about him because I love him so much and there's this feeling inside of me that I lose what I love. What I love the most. It's the first time I am raising a kitten on my own. He's so precious. I look at him and I see how big he's getting. When I first got him he was about four-weeks old. Now he's fat and big. I can barely hold him with one hand. He was so skinny when I found him. It is windy outside. I have been thinking about my job. Yet again. Thinking of moving somewhere and starting from scratch. I'd have to give up on this comfortable feeling of having built a humble home. Not sure how my allergic body would react to the winter of a place like Washington D.C. My head hurts from crying. I took a Russian lesson yesterday. Of course I don't remember anything. Except that I still blank you. I left the milonga on Wednesday hoping to glance at you. Maybe I never loved you. I don't know anymore. Edwin loves Benjamin. That alone makes me happy. They are not that alone anymore. I am still waiting. And waiting. I was reading this really pop book and the author was saying that when we want something we make it happen. So true. When I left the milonga on Wednesday, a guy parked his car on the street and wanted me to open my car for him. So odd. I got so nervous I ran. I felt so lonely that evening.

Claudinette is a tango I can't get enough of. 

Someone said I should write a book. Someone said I should. Someone said.

Someone once loved me in Russian and I have loved him in Portuguese. And he's still making me cry. Or is it me? Is it me? Red flowers awaiting. Maybe a sunflower. Then the room. And our first kiss. I still remember it.