e-mails, texts, and love

The Seahorse and The Kitten

an e-mail reminded me of how frail life is. I saw this little boy strolling by and his hair was straight, disheveled by the wind. I am becoming used to not missing things anymore. music is my enchanted place. Baltimore was fun. I love to look at buildings and photograph them. It's hard for me to decide what I want to be. A writer, a photographer, an artist, a dancer. Being myself is hard enough. Or not so much, depending on the day you ask me. I bite deeply into a fig. I want a lover. A husband. I want to be deeply in love, like honey in my skin. I want to know that a person is right for me. I understand Fado so well. My dad is visiting and we are once again strangers. Your photography i(n)(s) my house. Boxes of jewelry. New makeup. My dreams on hold. My trip to Europe was canceled. I can't decide if I should be happy or sad. Try to understand me. You were wearing an impeccable white shirt. Your unforgivable cold and distant attitude. I gave you a compass. We went out on a couple of dates and you couldn't fake passion. Who can? I am doing everything I can. At least the things I am aware of. We carry our history in our faces. Our fate in our actions. Our worst nightmare in our words. We dress ourselves either with courage or fear. We feel the consequences, we pay the price. We shrink at. I am living in my mind, and I get goosebumps. I don't recognize being cold, it's like my body doesn't belong to me. The distractions of life have held me captive. Paralyzed. Have I lived in fear all my life? I doubt that. I listen to some Jazz in the background. Being (a) haughty is not my choice, my aim. I am not. I force a smile. Regret takes space in my hands. These are the perks of having an abstract mind. Four eyes on me. Two sets of twin eyes on me. Fiction and my reality is all gone. White chocolate. Candles. A dream shattered. I loved the movie Trishna. So sad. Intense. I have discovered a few new blogs I like. He probably knows what my flaws are. Where I lack. What I lack. I have read the Greek myths. And philosophy. And reality sinks in. Once and for all. I need a cold, dark beer. I liked the way he walked. Softly and fast. You reminded me of a sea creature. We are connected, I feel your pain deeply in my heart and I asked you how you were doing. You became a black and white photo. Lost in the distance of dust. Secluded in my soul's attic. Submerged in the ocean of lost, forgettable things.