Death
Maybe the necessity or desire to die is in fact a call from G-d. I have questioned G-d's existence for a long time. Blaming it for allowing suffering to happen. But suffering is also part of existing. One of the many complexes layers that permeate what we perceive as reality. Then, suddenly, you are faced with life's finitude. The body's end. The culmination of somebody else's reality.
Across the street, the cemetery. And for a moment you see a whole funeral happening. But the person is still deforming right in front of you, begging G-d to have mercy. and wasn't her life just that? The profound begging for mercy?
I don't know.
I have never been this puzzled in my life.
My dad is shrinking by the minute. We face death together and it's a wake-up call. Because more than ever being alive makes sense. I want to have time. More than anything else.
So, I make my pledge.
I pray.
I haven't had the opportunity to really write about us. So much has happened. So much is happening.
I just don't want to forget the beauty of it all.
I have looked for a friend, a lover, a love that was worth experiencing. I have never found it. They were all thick smoke that dissipated in a short while. I have never looked for a mirror. I have actually said outloud that I didn't want to be with a carbon copy of myself. And here's where G-d must have laughed a great deal.
Cause I now see myself in the mirror. My raw, scarred self. We are finally reunited. We are one. And in this slice of reality that is called life, I face the challenge of recognizing and learning. The humbling experience of looking at yourself and seeing beauty, and flaws, and the spikes that make others react.
Desert flower, I wonder?
My desire to be in the desert.
The first time I saw the ocean and the desert together.
The beautiful landscape of Spain. The different hues of earthly tones. My eyes surrounded by Spain.
You were still a dream then. I didn't know you have been with me all this time.
There were moments that I felt you and talked to you.
But then I got tired of waiting and searching and I started focusing on not having any more memories of you.
Across the street, the cemetery. And for a moment you see a whole funeral happening. But the person is still deforming right in front of you, begging G-d to have mercy. and wasn't her life just that? The profound begging for mercy?
I don't know.
I have never been this puzzled in my life.
My dad is shrinking by the minute. We face death together and it's a wake-up call. Because more than ever being alive makes sense. I want to have time. More than anything else.
So, I make my pledge.
I pray.
I haven't had the opportunity to really write about us. So much has happened. So much is happening.
I just don't want to forget the beauty of it all.
I have looked for a friend, a lover, a love that was worth experiencing. I have never found it. They were all thick smoke that dissipated in a short while. I have never looked for a mirror. I have actually said outloud that I didn't want to be with a carbon copy of myself. And here's where G-d must have laughed a great deal.
Cause I now see myself in the mirror. My raw, scarred self. We are finally reunited. We are one. And in this slice of reality that is called life, I face the challenge of recognizing and learning. The humbling experience of looking at yourself and seeing beauty, and flaws, and the spikes that make others react.
Desert flower, I wonder?
My desire to be in the desert.
The first time I saw the ocean and the desert together.
The beautiful landscape of Spain. The different hues of earthly tones. My eyes surrounded by Spain.
You were still a dream then. I didn't know you have been with me all this time.
There were moments that I felt you and talked to you.
But then I got tired of waiting and searching and I started focusing on not having any more memories of you.
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